Fucking Problem

we're all fucked after all.

1984 is the new 2025.

about

  • you

    the sting, had to know at the very moment it was said, gone.. really gone.. forever. it ain’t just a possibility or a probability, what if it does really happen, we would have just wasted all the opportunities, all the lies vanish before the last judgment, all we prayed not for, decides to come, why is it we’re so bounded, why is it we can’t unbound. canada, for real ? at the same time i wish not to talk to you, but i wish not to lose you, staying close to rot is not solution, going this far might be, solely just unwanted.. messed enough with your life, can’t keep digging, never said goodbye, never said farewell, never knew it could be the last, you may need that for growth, and i’ll use that for booze, i miss you still and you’ll never know, unless you read that, i always cared, but overwhelmed, now ultimate freedom looks like two breakfasts, a new show and a 101th hearbreak, out of nowhere, maybe i shouldn’t have acted upon the desire, crushed by emotions, all is left are words, loose words for only me.. the stinger was a warning, you knew extreme bad luck were to hit, how do you define extreme bad luck, how do you keep in character, why my life ain’t a movie, die young and live as an actor, forget their planned life, all the lies, all their fairy tale, be happy, work hard, die horribly, this is what happens in my country.. stage by stage, step by step,.. and if you ever get the notification, know that i was sincere, it’s best for you to not have me around, bring me in your suitcase, may we party, laugh, get old there, live life as we wanted, i’m gonna miss you even more

    06

    enzo

  • mom

    now he hates me. for I can’t socialize, and he expected too much. but he doesn’t really hate me hopefully. today I understood the person I hate the most, fucked me over more than I could imagine. this is goodbye, this is farewell. I miss these pictures in case you were wondering. I really do, and I’m crying right now because snow isn’t supposed to burn. souvenirs aren’t meant to be erased, And yet they still do ! I’ll never trust you ever again, the red flags of, you made a carpet. long enough to sustain too many years. I’m never going to forget your reaction for this one, « except mom » haha, especially mom perhaps.

    05

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  • loneliness

    It’s been so long, and it’s already gone, for months I thought we’d never meet again, we did. we might not again. cause you lie, why aren’t you honest. my life’s paused ever since you came, I don’t know what to think of it, it hurts, to read all these conversations I forgot, from then to now, all the time vanished, as if you made a direct connection with the past. I miss you, Why are you so special, I hate you, why are you so much better, I… ‘m alone. since you’re gone they all came back, and I want them all to go away, cause it hurts everytime they leave, and I forget about them everytime they’re not around. call me mean for acting like that, I’m tired and sorry to see you don’t understand. And the more life happens the more I believe loneliness could be the way, cause my peace always ever broke once I’m with them. Better days are coming. This is my journal, welcome to the non-readers. The plants are going well, half of them are dead.

    04

    enzo

  • Perception

    Is it truly different, Clocks still count time, three times seven days, is it because we don’t remember that we feel nothing has happened ? A mountain of habits to take, if only the first step is hard, can we say every step I take is the first, for the first keeps being forgotten. Reconsider the priorities, refocus and do it

    003

    enzo

  • Going back

    Going back to real life huh ? every seven days, the severe delusion has to kick, the moody behavior, the hopeless and suicidal thoughts, as if you’d wake up in one of those worlds. you won’t and you know it. you’ll not even reconsider these thoughts once back in, because you would have forgotten. like the past five years, like these past twelve months. but somehow it’s different. for one more day is called rest, and one less is called work. we truly are able of anything, but not by snapping fingers.

    02

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  • Fragile

    Do you realize how fragile that is ? How truly fragile it is, and you walk on this line thin as a hair balancing yourself over a dreaded pit, with no safety on, without even a rope in your back, bare feet, scratching as the line resemble a razorsharp blade. yet you keep walking, towards what could be called the unknown, the wind keeps striking, the windows whistling, and beyond is just the world. Yet in a tiny room your mind expands, rejects uncomfort, self-sabotage itself, for no more than pleasure, what are we going after ?

    001

    enzo